Document informs that prime minister Stoltenberg has called on a secret emergency meeting, for political consultations with major parties. A handful of countries were cited for possible relocation destination during the meeting. Knowing the geographic and climate preferences of Norwegian population, political leaders have all named countries from the South.
Considering dominant anti-immigrant positions and negative stereotypes about Norwegians (reinforced by extensive drinking and casual relationship habits of young Norwegian tourists) in the societies of Norwegians' top favorites - Spain, Italy and Greece, developing countries further south were given priority.
Somalia, according to the document, was the most favored option, since there has not been a functioning government in Somalia since 1991, and because Somalis are the second largest immigrant (as well as a sizable asylum-seeker) population in Norway, which can be politically utilized.
The initial discussions assumed NATO-led clear up of Somalia proper from Al Shabaab and other militant groups and a step-by-step assumption of authority from the Transitional Federal Government to the Norwegian government. Taken the already strong international stereotype of "peace-loving" Norway, and the fact that Norway has no colonial past, the de facto colonialization of Somalia was seen as no potential issue for the international community. Possibility of partial or full adherence to Sharia law was noted.
Ironically, the long-time anti-immigration and populist political forces were the ones most pushing for Somalia. Because UN gave Norway 1-2 years to prepare grounds for full evacuation of its entire population, some of the most noted right wing anti-immigration politicians, and Siv Jensen (Norway’s "want to be" Margaret Thatcher) in particular, aggressively pushed for liberalizing immigration regime for that period. Jensen’s stance on immigration, i.e., liberalization for political credit, was debated by leftists on grounds of being immoral. Participants shared distrust towards Jensen’s reversed positions on immigration and UN Climate works (Jensen has traditionally been talking against UN documents or forecasts on global climate change and likes to attack Al Gore or Foreign Minister Støre on climate change speculations).
"Jern-Erna" the Iron Erna [Erna Solberg] of Høyre (Right Conservative Party) also dropped her initial anti-immigrant stances and supported Siv Jensen’s push for increased immigration before eventual evacuation.
Christian Democratic Party’s (KrF) Hareide had nothing to say on the matter, except for, time and again, blaming US and China for the global environmental mess.
PM Stoltenberg from Labor Party (AP) pointed out that the new reality [possible relocation of Norwegians to Somalia] would undoubtedly make Norwegian society truly multicultural, as his government would do everything to integrate locals [Somalis] into the New Norway. "This will also help prove to European colleagues that multiculturalism in Europe has not expired itself", Mr. Stoltenberg concluded. Prime minister, however, was criticized by Høyre’s Erna Solberg and Social Left’s (SV) Kristin Halvorsen, for cheating the constituents on immigration and integration. His immigration regulations were called the strictest in Europe.
Liv Signe Navarsete, the leader of the Senterpartiet (AgriParty) had no serious remarks on the emergency except that she did enquire if there would be credible Zen coaches or local witch doctors she could hire once relocated. Live also mentioned she would have her people look into Photobucket or other image-sharing websites, to see if they can find any logo designs relevant to the flora of the host country, i.e. Somalia that would replace the current party logo, after full relocation.
The gathered unanimously decided to pave way for more sincere integration in the country for the coming two years. Among other measures, it was decided to urge Norway’s media to drop the one-sided, immigrant-focused rape and social system abuse reporting, and start balancing up by finally bringing the domestic and international abuses by Norwegians to light. Ways for significant increase of Somali community's influence on politics and social life in Norway were also touched upon.
Disclaimer: This is political satire! Events, names and ideas are satirical and fictional!
